If your POT has never been in an arrangement before, she is very likely to be nervous, and rightfully so. So you need to understand this and be VERY patient with her. At first you will be communicating with her either on the web site, or by text if you have met her in person somewhere. You need to assure her that you are real, safe and caring.
Make sure that she knows she can ask any questions she wants. You can tell her that you may not answer identifying questions until you have gotten to know each other better, but just explain that to her in a kind manner. Don’t take any question she asks personally. She does not know you, and you should never expect her to trust you in the beginning. Trust is EARNED over time. A little here, and a little there.
Where to meet? When I first started doing this I would always meet in a restaurant for dinner. This not only became expensive, but it also was awkward when you on some occasions just did not hit it off. So now I prefer to meet over a drink at a very small bar that is not very busy and almost always has a place far enough away from everyone else so that you can talk openly without having to worry about anyone listening in on your conversation. It is also much easier to get up and leave over drinks than dinner if it is just not working. I prefer somewhere that allows me to choose where we sit, so we can talk openly in private.
Tell her that you will move at a pace she is comfortable with. Let her know that she can stop at any point, and for any reason, or for no reason at all, and that she does not need to explain why. Let her know that she is in complete control of how fast and how far the relationship develops. Tell her that you will spend a minimum of her allowance on her every month. Explain that anything else you do such as go to dinner, see a movie, or go on a trip together is all on you. You should pick up all expenses for everything you do together.
Talk about sex. Let her know that she can spend some time getting to know you before you jump into bed if she wants. If sex is important to you, make sure she understands that sex will be a big part of the arrangement. I tell them that I will ask many questions, and always ask her permission before I do anything. Let her know that she always has the right to say yes, or no, and you will always respect, and abide by her choice. Tell her you understand that No, means No, every time, and for every situation. This way, you can learn about her slowly, and correctly. Tell her you never want her to do anything she is not ready for, not comfortable with, or she does not want to do. Tell her you will never pressure her for anything, and be especially clear about this as far as being intimate together is concerned. Respect and trust are very important. Trust takes time, but respect is something you can, and should offer immediately.
I tell mine, “If all goes well, and we would like to meet again, I would like you to come to my home for an evening and sex is not expected at this time. I want us to spend more time together, in an intimate setting, but not necessarily be physically intimate. If it gets to that point, fine, but if it does, it will be because we both are ready for it, and want it to happen. Before you come to my home, I will give you my full name, and address. You should share my name and address with a trusted friend so that you can call/text them at anytime, and they are free to call/text you anytime just to check in and let them know you are safe. I ask that you to Google, and research me. It is not creepy or weird, it is a smart thing to do. Any man that will not understand and accept this, in my opinion, should be avoided. If you want, I will also grant you FB access, I just ask you not to post anything on my time line at this time. I will also cover all costs associated with this meet, including your transportation costs.”
If she does come over and spend sometime with you, consider giving her a little more than just covering her gas. Even 50 bucks can mean a lot to her. This is a real conversation I had with one of my babies. “The fact that you “Respect your body, and take strong consideration as to who you share it with”, is something that I understand, admire and respect a great deal. To start off, as far as your allowance goes, If you and I end up in an arrangement involving intimacy, I will agree to spend at least 1000 on you a month, and this does not include any activities or things we do together such as our lunch yesterday. So to be clear, the money I spent on lunch is not included in the allowance. But the 20 I gave you directly for gas, and the 50 that I gave you last night for your nails is. Basically anything I spend directly on you alone.”
More of the same conversation, “This allowance will be either spent on you, or given to you, or some combination of those. But, I need you to tell me how that is done. I like doing things for you already. I liked giving you money to cover your gas to come meet me. I liked being able to pay for your nails last night. I would enjoy buying you a new pair of shoes, or gifts, especially once I get to know you and what you like. But, I also understand if you need a certain amount from me. So think about it, and let me know what that would be. At some point in the future, I may raise that amount. But for now, I am saying it will at least be the minimum. Let’s say for the sake of discussion you want 500 from me a month directly. If that is the case, I will give you 500 directly, and also spend at least 500 on you for nails, hair, presents, etc. I would also give you copies of the receipts, just so you know I am keeping my end of the bargain.”
“If after you and I have spent enough time together for us both to be comfortable, and you and I agree to enter into an arrangement, intimacy will be a part of it. I will want to have sex with you every time we are together. There will be times when we cannot, such as when you are on your period, but in those cases you can please me in other ways, and during those times only, it will be all about me. I would like to learn what pleases you. I get a lot of satisfaction from pleasing my partner. So I will ask you what you like, and what you do not. I would ask for, and would appreciate any guidance from you during this time, if you are comfortable with that.”
“During the week, on an evening you and I have scheduled together, you would come to my home. We could go out for dinner, order take out, or I could cook us something to eat. We could watch some TV together, or a movie, have a cocktail or two, jump in the hot tub, or any combination of these things. And, we will have sex. I understand that because of busy schedules, this meet may have to be a shorter than I would like as you may not have time to hang out, or go to dinner, etc. But if we can, I would like to. The other time we see each other for the week, we may want to do something fun or interesting. We are very limited in what we can do right mow because of winter, and Covid, but hopefully we can find something fun or interesting to do. If we can we will, but we will also have sex. You will either come to my house before we leave for our activity we are doing, or you may come to my home after. Or we may be in my motor home. or a hotel somewhere, but my point is, we will have sex when we are together, and we will have it often.
When and if intimacy starts, you will come to my home for our first meet of the week. You will have told me by then how much of your allowance you want directly given to you. And just to be clear, if you want it all, that is fine with me. However being able to send you money last night for your nails, really made me feel good. So I would like it to be something like 750 directly to you, and 250 reserved for gifts. But, that is just me, and it can be whatever you want. So for the sake of discussion, let’s assume you want all of it. For the very first month, we will again divide the monthly amount by 4, and do it weekly. So this would mean 250 for each week. You will receive 250, which will be for this meet, but also for a second meet later in the week. This is to build trust yes, and I believe advancing you helps this on my side, but also to give you an opportunity to change your mind. The second reason is even more important that the first as far as I am concerned. You need to be able to change your mind, at any time, if you decide this is not for you.”
“If we decide to continue, the next month we I will divide the amount by 2, and on the first meet of the week I will give you 500. You will agree to so me twice a week for two weeks. We will do this again, for the other two weeks in the month. If we get to the third month, I will advance you the full amount for the month on our first meet of that month, and you will agree to see me twice a week for that month.”
“I understand that this all can seem “transactional”, but it gets better, and smoother as we learn more about each other. In my experience, having everything discussed and understood beforehand, while sometimes awkward, is so much better than assuming, trying to guess, and more often then not, guessing wrong. This is a different type of relationship, but it can really be great when the right two people connect. In my experience with traditional relationships, it is the opposite of that. Things tend to happen without being discussed beforehand and this often leads to confusion, misunderstanding, mistakes, hurt feelings, and sometimes even real heartache. For me this is a much better, more effective way to have a really great relationship without all of the pain and drama of the conventional ones.”